Im very confused about things. I feel I need to get them off my chest but at the same time I dont want to say. I have a million diferent feelings crammed in me, fighting over which one will prove to be the strongest. Will it be anger? Will I burst out in a fit of rage, lashing out on who ever gets in my way? How bout morose? Perhaps Ill break down and kill myself. Confusion is the only one I can understand. If that is at all possible. Ive almost giving up completly on trying to understand myself. Some times I think Its impossible and I should just die before I drag more into my mess. So many fucking little things that merge together to make this huge issue that makes an emotion that I cant understand and leaves me feeling suffocated and as if my heart is about to stop. Thinking of it makes me want to curl up and cry but I cant.

One huge thing that bothers me is when I see people with their babies. Like a mother and a father doing stuff with their baby as a family. It makes me angry that Dan isnt around. And yea Im aware your gonna read this then your going to yell at me but personally I dont fucking care anymore! Hes your son to, maybe you should attempt to be his father. He dosnt even fucking reconize you when you do visit!

I hate this world! I hate what it does to everyone I love and care about! Where all fucking doomed. No one seems to know or care that everything they're doing is going to destroy everythng we see and know. I hate to think that my son has to grow up in this hell.